The Storm

Perched on a hillside, on the edge of a forest, looking down upon a valley in the lush foothills of a magnificent mountain sits the house I grew up in. During the winter there are storms that rip through this town which is tucked next to a mountain range to the east and the west is the sea. The winter storms that rip through the heart of the Pacific northwest pack a punch and blow through the seemingly quiet county without reprieve. Howling winds rip through tall trees, these northeastern winds are forces to be reckoned with. The winter winds come from a dark barren landscape to the north bringing with them an intensity that try the mightiest of creatures from the grand cedar trees to the flannel wearing rednecks.

There is only so much wind those sturdy cedar trees that canvas the the few acres around our house can with stand. When the gusts start to wail, the trees begin to moan and sway, bending in the wind. Trees are limber and have evolved give when the forces bear down. They take the blows that puts their strength and elasticity to the true test of resolution. Of course, some trees break under the pressure. They crash with horrible commotion. It sounds raw, boisterous and roaring with bruit power. Come springtime every year we would make huge piles of fallen trees to burn, cleaning up after the usual storms.


There is a limit to the strain an object can endure. Seemingly strong, stoic creatures of the earth fall victim to forces beyond their power.

At the end of the storm, there is always damage, minor or catastrophic. Loss and destruction. The wreckage must be assessed and ravage accounted for then cleared before the long dark next winter winds sweep through.

As a child, I never could sleep through these wind storms, I would lay awake in my bed listening to the windows resist the gusts, straining, moaning and the trees, the trees screeching as the moved with the forces of the northeast winds. Now that I am hundreds of miles away, surround by sagebrush and tumbleweed with not a tree in sight, I get a little uneasy when the winds start to growl. I wait for the talking trees, for the trees to contend to the wind and each sound their battle cries.

The only storms I feel now are the winds raging in my soul and the storms brewing in the ones of who I deeply care for. I see their trouble and feel my inner turmoil. I can not ward off the forceful blows trying to knock down the spirit. There will always be storms, some times they are large and leave a massive path of destruction. These are the storms that keep me up late at night, listening to the winds and trying to find comforting thoughts in the commotions. I feel small and powerless against these dark winters and cloudy world in which we live.

We are fragile. The human spirit can compromise and adjust but there is a limit to the endurance of all creatures. We can bend in the wind but we need to understand when the breaking point is coming, and unlike the storms that blow through the long dark winter months, storms battle continuously at our hearts and souls. A tree could not stand alone and survive a storm, neither can the human soul, there is strength in numbers and security in the forest.

I often find myself trying to be that lone tree, trying to stand on my own. When the winds blow, I have no protection or buffer from the elements. Trees can grow, relationships can build and communities can rebuild. Be part of each others forest, be part of my forest and I will try my hardest to be a part of yours.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new end.

Maria Robinson

The Good, Bad, and Ugly

Within a couple days of each other I have had some very profound advice shared to me by two people I respect immensely (who both I wished I lived closer to and hope to maintain a close relationship).

**Here comes the soapbox! Don't think you were not warned!**

I like to believe that I live in a little fairy tale world where I fell head over heels into a magical relationship - ummmmm..... from what I understand of my husband and my realationship and most of the the other couples that are within our circle of friends..... these rarley exsist. Sad I know - I am the queen of ideal, happy go lucky scenarios, truth be told, I am just going to hold on to that ideal, it is truely worth it and set out to make the happiest and most fulfilling relationship I can.

What I want to share (besides the fact that we are not all perfect) are these few nuggets of advice that were shared with me. These ladies are on to something and since it was gifted to me it is now time for me to pass it on.

I am not going to get  into the details of my relationship - this is not the place. I am going to get into the lessons I learn while sharing my life with someone, someone I love and care deeply about. I feel that some things are very personal and should be kept that way but other things need to be shared and expressed so others can relate and people can communicate these experiences that we all share. As lonely and distant as some of these experiences and feelings can be, we are in this together and often are going through the same sort of ordeal.  As much as I dislike to admit, we are not that unique.

A bit of motherly advice and 20 mores years of experience put the words to a feeling that I  know many of use face and deal with on a day to day basis.   We are all raised in very unique situations. We are the products of very distinct situations. Some people can be raised next door to each other and have an extremely different experiences or just the opposite, they could live on the the other side of the country from one another and share very similar experiences. I was raised in a very different household than my husband, different parts of the country, cultures and climates but have other upbringings that are rather similar, this is what makes us individuals and unique but also challenging to live with from day to day.

The mastery of understanding that each person is a product of their eviroment, embracing the situation from which we were created and then developed and understanding that each one of us are very differnt. We will never understand what is happening, the true thoughts and feelings that race through anothers being, this is a mistystery and is completly beautiful and enchanting in the same breath. Being able to share these distinct worlds together may be the greatest gift and the hardest challenge that people who choose to spend their lives with someone else may ever face.

I choose to embrace these challenges, as hard as they often are and as rewarding as it can be imaginable.

Moving on... to the second nugget...

Now understanding that we come from very different backgrounds, we come together and choose to move on through this this world as a couple. Yeah, the fun begins. Day to day - the most intimate of situations, every day (almost) the good and the bad, let us not forget the farts and the roses (for the record there are more farts than roses in my relationship). We can do the day to day, but can we do the day to day for the rest of our days? 

Moving, moving in the same direction, together. Yes, we may be two very different people but what matters is that these two lives are moving in the same direction, parallel paths. Our paths may be very different, involve different logic, different people and events, but they are pointed in the same direction. In the end, these two people choose to be at the same place at the end of the day, decade and helped one another get there.

We are different but both are going to the same place, my path is a bit foggy, wondering and often a bit confusing, where his is very linear, straight forward and planned out. We are taking care of each other and at the end of the day that is what is real.



I am a big sappy pile of pleasant thoughts, terribly missing J and his warm embrace, I must get outside, outside my head, and hope that I can convey to him how much he means to me as different as we are.