Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Second Guesses

Here I am, two weeks before the Chuckanut 50km race, second guessing my decision. I had great intentions registering for the race, ambitious goals at the time to up my running, be dedicated and train. The time has come, my quads are tooth picks, my body is fatigued with stress (me left eye won't stop twitching), my lower back is tweaked, and my mind is obviously not there. I am questioning my ability to run at this point.
Someone finally had some influence on me, the most unlikely of people. I have heard the argument a thousand times over that it is "unnatural" or "we are not built" for such distances. I had always disagreed. "Polish Bob," a fellow climber and my new massage therapist, of all people didn't make that argument. He put it in different terms. First, it takes my body at least two weeks to recover from such an effort. I usually don't rest for that long and wind up with injuries. Second, why put all one's eggs in a single basket. Really one can only run a couple ultras a year. What you get sick, injured, life just gets in the way. You have trained, basically eat, thought, slept, breathed with the intent of this race and now you can't compete. BLAH! Such is life I know but one is much more likely to suffer from major burn out with this type of training. Third, the likelihood of getting injured in these races is dramatically increased. Not the best...
Maybe I was just open enough today to finally listen to someone. I think that I just don't want to do it so I am open to any excuses I can find. I am not in very good shape nor do I have the confidence that once burned inside of me, pushing me to the limit. What ever the reason, I am admitting it, I just don't want to run that far right now.
***Ahhh*** It is a load off already. Who knows, I might still run it, I have to sleep on the decision because I tend to make hasty decisions.
As of now I am stoked on yoga, my floor bow is my favorite posture, I can do great back bends, I feel strong, and I have a great foundation for the coming climbing season. Distance running is another story. Is it a story of the past? Right now I think it is. I am not shutting the door on it completely, I will still get a couple runs in a week, I just don't want any pressure to run. Oh and biking is way cooler than running!


  1. Boy do I know the feeling. When your body and mind are feeling down, it's easy to take the easier way out. But in the long run - it is really easier? I started the race season this year in the same boat (minus the serious physical fatigue - add a serious bout of decreased motivation). Questions of why am I doing this? Who's going to care if I don't? I'm happier without it! But as I drove to the race, clocked in and got on my bike - my body knew what to do and my mind took a back seat. And although I wasn't in the best of shape - mentally and physically - I sure am thankful I showed up. It's super important to surround yourself with positive, up beat people right now. The more up beat the better. I ran into a friend at the race that made a comment they were feeling doubtful about racing in the cold, wet, nasty conditions. Then they thought of something I said - they trained outside in the harsh conditions to beat the shit out of those indoor training wusses. I laughed - sometimes you need a dose of your own medicine. :)

    Give your body and mind a rest - something it may take regardless - and know that you are a strong, fit incredible woman!

    Oh - and if you need some good reading - "Thinking Body Dancing Mind" has proven a spiritual healer and motivator time and time again.

    Wishing you the best! - Jen

  2. You are so wise to pay attention to little symptoms like a twitching eye, for instance. I salute you!

    Your massage therapist sounds wonderful - so glad you have someone great to work with your amazing, powerful, wise body.

    The body never lies, not ever. Sad that we so rarely listen to its wisdom. But you are! Wow.


  3. for the past 3 years i have run a half marathon, but usually have to talk myself into it... it is hard to get pysched up for such a tremendous effort (for me). I'm sure you can handle it, if not now, maybe the next one...good luck.

  4. Thank you to everyone who helped me through this bout of blues. I have pulled myself up and out of an unmotivated slump, hit the trails and feel great. I am going to run next weekend because I can, not to set a p.r. or crush the compitition, just to finish.
    Thanks again for the support!



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