Thursday, December 03, 2009

The flame within

Pre 2009 Chuckanut 50 km race. photo source: Garrett Grove

Here I go again; all I can think about is the looming surgery. It might be the time on my hands, the idleness, the looming date, the increased discomfort. Whatever it is I am getting a wee bit nervous. I know it is a rather minor surgery and there are other people who face life threatening ailments around us all. I am really focused on one aspect of the surgery, am not worried about the ACL replacement, or the patella problem.... I don't want to remove my meniscus. The meniscus is part of the "cushion" on the knee. With the removal of this portion of the knee, arthritis is sure to set in early. Okay, I have come to terms with this and understand that it is inevitable. The problem I have is the fact that my running career may be over. Pwhew! That is a hard one to swallow. So as of right now, I know it may be a possibility but I am going to leave it at that because I know in my heart that I am not ready to be done with running.

I have said in the past that I know long distance running is not a lifetime sport for me. I don't think that my body can handle it. That is okay. I am not willing to give up running all together though. There is something incredibly simple and beautiful about running. I can leave my house, be on trail, in parks with just a quick change of clothes and a healthy pair of shoes. Then there is the efficiency of running, it only takes about an hour to get a great work out running, it might take twice that on a bike. I won't crash running (well not as often). What about the infamous "runners' high" it is one of the most satisfying feelings.

I haven't run in months, and I have come to the realization, the kind that comes deep within, I am not ready to stop running. I am unsure now what this means and what it is going to take but I am not ready to hang those tennies up.

To be honest, I thought that I would totally love the break from being active. Over the summer I yearned for more time to work around the house, do art, cook, and read but found myself biking increasingly more, yoga and lifting weights. Now I understand, I mean I have came to terms with the idea of balance. THere can be too much of a good thing, and too much of anything can be tiring (and even cause serious bodily injury!) and make one desire for something else, anything else. Now I have all the time in the world. I love it, I have started to actually cook, read, write, fix up the house (A HUGE THANKS TO J. & MY DAD!!!), decorate the house..... spend quality time with J. all the rich things in life. There is something missing, it is being active. My body does not feel the same (enough time has past to really notice) my energy levels have dropped considerably, my moods have changed, my body has changed. It has taken a few months but I know that even though I may never be at the same caliber that I was a year ago, I am going to lead a BALANCED active lifestyle for the rest of my life.

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